family matters

i've always loved Ramadhan. i'm the last person to call myself pious but come fasting month, i see that opinionated punk in the mirror changing into a better being. i become less bitchy, i forgive and forget at a much faster rate, i try to be more of a giver than a taker and i even make it a point to perfom REAL solat, not the patuk ayam kind my big sis does on a daily basis. Ramadhan brings out the best in silly, selfish ol' me.

i remember my endless complaints about the usually predictable heatwave and haze in m'sia, "woi panasnya, macam mana nak puasa ni..." but now that am so far away from home, in a place where the sun is everyone's best friend, i begin to really wonder why Ramadhans mean so much to me.

one word. family.

my best memory of my dad was at a pasar pagi in sentul many many years ago, way back when he was still working as a government officer in bukit kerajaan. we were trying to find our way back to the car when we saw a group of people circling a man auctioning off a huge array of cheap toys. i was to put it mildly, giler happy.

we didn't have lotsa money, there were six of us kids to feed (we all makan banyak) and a single breadwinner, so being the last in my family, i never expected much. but on that beautiful sunday, ayah turned to me and said, "nak tak?" it was just the two of us, daddy and his little girl, so i nodded my head gleefully. We went home with a made in china doll waaaay bigger than barbie, with eyes that shut everytime i lay her down. i don't remember how much he paid for it but i vividly remember looking up at him thinking, "what did i do right to have this cool guy as my dad?" so cool he's the reason why my sisters and i mencarut so much while driving -- dimana tumpahnya kuah kari kalau tidak ke nasi?

because of him, my mom, my wacky sisters, my two brothers i don't quite know anymore and that noisy bunch i fondly call my anak-anak sedara, i always make it a point to be a 'good girl' during the holiest month on the muslim calendar. that's the only way i believe i can get Allah Taala to hear and grant my prayers -- for the clan to experience the kind of love and happiness i felt that sunday morning in sentul.

this Ramadhan i am without them. they're thousands of miles away, eating good food (my sis had the nerve to brag about that ayam percik she bought in kampung baru... babi!) and looking forward to hari raya. me on the other hand, i'm forced to go through bulan puasa without the usual suspects. well, hmmmm, not technically...

there's this person that keeps hovering round my back everytime i'm in the kitchen now, glaring at me coz i tried to soak and thaw the frozen mackerel with hot water (who the hell cares if the fish is half cooked when you take it out?!)... and eyeing my food come break fast coz he's halfway done with his when am just starting to savor my nasi goreng lembik. this anal retentive person is still a stranger to me but somewhere between arguing about who's doing the laundry or laughing out loud at ladonna and shanehneh's antics on maury, i've come to realize that my family has expanded. i now have another reason to be 'Ramadhan's employee of the month' :)

"the only way to get to know a man is to live with him 24/7." i have to say, am still learning and discovering new things about this particular member of my family -- his orchestrated snoring, his wonderful cooking, his faith in my ability to help change the world. with him in my life, i have a feeling am gonna have so many more of those beautiful sentul mornings, Ramadhan or otherwise.

as for my 'real' family back home, i hope they choke on their chicken kuzi while watching sembilu 2 and/or tragedi oktober. and once they're done coughing, spitting water and saying "eh sape sebut? sape sebut?" i sincerely wish my face is the only one that comes to mind. the once-a-year 'good girl' who wishes them only the very best, dunia dan akhirat.

selamat hari raya aidilfitri, maaf zahir & batin :)

p/s chocfudge, thanks so much for the link http://www.quranexplorer.com ... real helpful for people yang dok merangkak baca Quran like me!