a rose by any other name...

i have a new name. and it's a mighty stylish one.

CIK KEK tepen.

"baking cake is my hobby, mencekik cake is my passion."

and am from taiping.

you like? i loveeeeeee :)

my friend, n came up with the name coz whenever she calls or emails, am always in the midst of either membuat or mencekik cake. befitting.

i've been given quite a few monikers over the years, some good, some very thought provoking: sari ar, teksar, barnie, lembu, acu, miss piggie, gebu, si boncit, cina, beeyatch. no disrespect to all my other names, but cik kek tepen really hits a spot.

i dig it so much that if i ever do open up a cake shop back home, am gonna name it just that.

takut tak?

oh tidak...

... so there i was at the pharmacy, lining up, waiting to pay for my vaseline and magazine. lembab, lembab, lembab.

and then, without warning, i saw them. spread out on the counter were the biggest, fattiest, juiciest man fingers i have ever seen!! my eyeballs almost popped out. the dude had mini-size sausage rolls as fingers. besar giler!!

i didn't know what to do or where better to look so i slowly craned my neck sideways, without actually moving my head (macam iklan sakit tengkuk), hoping to see the owner of an 'instrument' of such magnitude. orang puteh rupanyer. but kejap, i thought, based on my extensive porno knowledge, those kinda sizes are exclusive to mat mat itam?! i learn something new everyday.

my mouth was still hanging open when i walked out the door. if his fingers are that big, then his you-know-what must be...

God save the hole. amen.

apolo 13 takes off!!

i don't care how many olympic gold medals he won in speed skating, my half-jap boy apolo anton ohno finally snagged the only one that counts!!

aku nak join dancing with the not-so stars jugak!!!

jangan tunggu lama-lama...

it's may. 2007. same time almost 10 years ago, i graduated into life.

i don't remember much about that rainy day except that my parents were there. happy, giddy, ayah even borrowed a button down suit from my brother for the ocassion. the rain got into our eyes but we didn't care, we were oblivious to our surroundings. cik looked terrified in most of the pictures. i don't think she's ever seen that many mat salleh mabuk around her as she did that morning.

i also remember thinking, "wow! this is it. am done. am ready to face the world." yeah, right. who was i kidding? looking up at the heavens above, i was almost sure i was crapping in my pants...

go to any job interview and one of the questions they'll ask is, "where do you see yourself in 5-10 years?" i never did know how to answer that question. while all my close friends were busy lining up job interviews with fortune 500 companies during career week, i was actively living up to my proverbial slacker status. i spent months trying to decide whether or not i should just bum around kl for a whole year or continue on to graduate school immediately. the latter obviously didn't happen (long story) so for well under twelve months, i ended up doing absolutely everything unproductive with what little money i had. life was going pretty good until people around me, people MY age, started exchanging that lil' rectangular pieces of paper called business cards. "saya sam. s-u-m. sam." holy fuck. i was terrified. and that's when i really started thinking about what i was gonna do for the next 5-10 years of my life...

today, after several meaningful career changes (and mishaps), am back to square one. i have no job and no set goals for the future. one would think that at almost 32, i would actually have a blueprint of what lies ahead. right? wrong. i am now at my clueless-ness peak. and once again, i am awfully terrified.

i was supposed to attend two cooking courses to learn about the complexity of french pastries. i kept checking the calendar, week in and week out, making sure that i don't miss those dates i circled. guess what? i missed those dates. i am so angry at myself. living here, with no real responsibilities, no set purpose in life, i tend to forget the day, the date, the month, the year. i know my classes are in may but what i didn't realize... it's already may. i am unfortunately, still stuck at fucking april.

i can't live like this. i won't live like this. bak kata the king of pop, "am gonna make a change for once in my life, it's gonna feel real good, gonna make a difference, gonna make it right." am of course not gonna start molesting little boys (although i really don't mind younger men heheh) but what i intend to do now is make some adjustments to my monotonous island existence. no more chatting online til the wee hours of the morning, enough staying in bed after 10am -- sleep early, wake up fresh. am gonna start running again and yes, i will even (God save my soul) take up that offer to golf. i promise to be more serious about my baking (that's my cupcake up there!) and being 'green.' who knows, if am really good at this change for the better thingie, i might even have a baby. *gasp* you're right, let's not push it...

will i make it? who knows, but i certainly don't wanna wait another 5-10 years to find out.

the bitch is back in full swing babeeey!!

shrek is baaaaaack!!!

helping a friend spread the love around :) if you have questions or qualms, do contact Eliza Rahman at eliza@irm.org.my or at the numbers below:

Islamic Relief Berhad (No.657354-W )
31-7, Jalan SP 2/1, Taman Serdang Perdana
43300 Seri Kembangan, Selangor
Tel : +603-8948 6334

kita memberi,
mereka merasa.
this way,
we can all live happily ever after :)

*man, i should have been on the pantun empat kerat team in school...

of pixels, prints and paradise...

mama's got a brand new toy!! suke nyerrrr saye!!

haven't really figured out the workings of my d80 but here are some initial images of bermuda.

are you enjoysssss???!!!

a page from my past...

the year was 2002. i just came out of a relationship that wasn't really a relationship. i wanted to find love, he was merely looking for opportunities to give his 'boys' a bit of an exercise. hey, no hard feelings. different people have different wants at different times in their lives. horny yes, but at least he was honest. no mystery there. "setan" on the other hand, was a completely different story.

we met at a hari raya open house. good food, great company. i was immediately taken by him, pandai betul dia bercakap -- politics, history, religion -- semua dia sapu.

it was short and intense, 3 months give and take, but the relationship felt like a lifetime. we met every single day, talked about every single thing. i was NEVER bored. he said i was his girlfriend. yabedabedu. i was stoked.

i should have seen the signs. "why are you wearing your pagoda t-shirt in public? you're getting heavy, you should think about losing weight. my grandfather the datuk seri wants to meet me next week. can you please not stand like that, you're embarassing me." i've had fucked-up relationships before but what the hell did i get myself into this time around?

then it happened. the cheating. of course i was the only moron who didn't know about his "escapades." the man blamed asiaworks (yes, that damn expensive self-help workshop for gullible idiots who needed direction in their lives) for wanting out, calling me a "negative influence" in his life. and this coming from a person who only dated me because i was on tv. what a jackass.

am at a happy place in my life right now. but knowing that setan is still roaming around out there, handing out business cards, using his charm, prowess and dad's name to stake his next victim, gets my blood to a rapid boil.

ladies and gentlemen, that karma thing, does it ever work?