i got the call two nights ago. and i couldn't stop thinking about HIM ever since. then again, what else would you do if you've just been told that your "big bro" had passed away?
i've known him since 1999, back when i was a media rookie in shah alam. most everyone labelled the man as "the flirt, the big slacker" but i didn't buy any of that. he was so much more than anyone ever gave him credit for.
i remember one day in particular when he came to work in high spirits, smiling, looking for me.
"eh, semalam ko ada berkenalan dengan sape sape tak?"
"ntah, ada kot. apesal pulak?" i said.
"he sends his regards."
i broke into a huge grin. i did infact try to hook up with a particular gentleman the night before.
"sape? dia? are you sure? mana ko kenal dia?"
"elehh suka la tu. dia dok sama building dengan aku. dia nak your number. nak bagi tak?"
"bagi! bagi! bagi!"
he looked at me, geleng kepala and walked away.
later that same day, he came and sat next to me. his dior higher wafted through the thick air. you can always trust him to smell good.
"kau betul nak berkenalan dengan dia ni?"
"ye la..."
"kau jaga jaga ok. he has a reputation. aku orang sarawak, aku tau la dia. just be careful ok?"
"ok ok. kecoh la..."
he patted me on the head and left.
as expected, the guy broke my heart into a million little pieces just so he could go after more "happnen" ladies. i should have listened to my big bro.
protective, loyal, honest, ikhlas, fun. and the glass was always three-quarters full with him. i only saw him once or twice after i left the job in shah alam. he kept changing his handphone number and i couldn't be bothered to keep track.
but i asked about him the last time i came home.
"dia dah alim sekarang... sembahyang tak tinggal."
"hah? dia? alim? no way! ape dah jadi?" i couldn't believe my ears. i suppose pigs do fly after all.
now, four months later and after hearing the news, everything is starting to make sense.
my big bro, JAIDI SAHAR, 41, died of an apparent heart attack this past friday.
i remember a particular poster in the mussollah (prayer room) back at our workplace in shah alam which says "hanya orang-orang terpilih sahaja yang mampu menemui ajal mereka pada hari jumaat."
he has kept me safe for all the years that we have known each other. Allah is now, returning the favor.
al-fatihah.
13 comments:
arnie...betul ke?! terkejut aku!!! i so know him too...one of the nicest, non-hypocrite feller out of all the blokes in the newsroom.
masyaAllah....this is a reminder to us all, and to me in particular, that when the time comes, it comes. whether we are ready for it, or not...
amal jariah, sembahyang fardu pun tunggang langgang lagi ni...*shudder*
al-fatihah...
yes lembu, lynn called me up at 4 in the morning telling me all abt it. aku sedih giler tak boleh nak cerita...
i just wished i'd seen him for one last time.
i love you woman...
I'm so surprised at this! Jaidi was a really cool guy...whoa... life is so fragile... suddenly I am brought back to the times when we were in the same newsroom...
Babes,
He shall always be "The first Penan newscaster..."
Zaza
i am so sorry to hear Arnie :((
arnie,
i was there at his house before the sent him over for post-mortem. It was realy overwhelming having to see the kain batik drape over his lifeless body. I didn't even peek to see him for the last time. He just seemed so much smaller than how i remembered him then.
Apparently he was up late working. Went home, prayed, sent his son to school and said he felt really tired. Told his wife that he was going to take a nap. And then he was gone, just like that. His wife thought that he was joking around when she tried to wake him and he "didn't" want to get up. She even snapped a photo on her camera phone. after a while, she realised he was gone.
allah is real. heaven and hell, too. Will YOU be ready?
Norzie
nicole,
yeah i am shocked and stunned too. i guess "the good" really do die young... :(
i love you.
zaza,
like i said, those were the best times... and to answer your question, if so and so and a few others were to leave us, NO, i wouldn't have dedicated a whole page to them. i don't even think i'll be sad. i'll reminisce for a few idle minutes, and that's that. i now know how to distinctively separate intan dengan permata. and i cherish the permatas a whole lot more now that am older and hopefully, i'd like to believe, a bit more wiser.
"the first penan newreader" will always live in my prayers...
iggy,
thanks so much. i feel sooo bad for his two kids especially... to lose such a dedicated dad :(
norzie,
i didn't know he died that way. pora said he passed on while working, with a pen in his hand. either way, am glad he died after subuh prayers and on a friday. jaidi deserved nothing less...
am I ready? i would like to say yes but i know the answer is a no. am so far off the mark at this point in my life -- sembahyang pun tak cukup, hati belum bersih, iman tak kuat, ilmu akhirat cetek
*sigh*
let's really meet up when i come back for a short visit in august. let's not make any more excuses. our friendship is far too important to let get by...
i love you, please take care of yourself.
jaidi called me about weeks ago talking about wanting to work together on a film. i never acted on it. :(
Hi Arnie, I got the sms from Lyn, not knowing it was her number. Either way I was taken aback by the news, but you know, when death comes, it comes. Whether we are ready or not, thats a different story. By then, it would be too late and no one can save us.
I lost touch with him after leaving NTV, but from the little that I know, the work that he did with Zainal (ugh) and team, I feel is truly brave and remarkeable,and that in itself, is jihad. What is my jihad? Apart from complaining about the little quality of life? and witnessing (and contributing)to the apparent end the world is coming to?
Realising we are here for a reason and that we are really on transit is one thing, but not acting on it is another.
[Maybe i should start writing more, I didnt realise i had all these pent up thoughts!]
Let his death be a reminder of how fragile life is. And since we would never really know when our time is up, ikhtiar, to always jaga our niat, in whatever we do, think or say... that might just safe us.
Al-Fatihah
marina
just read your blog yesterday. so sorry for your loss babe. I remember you talking about him before. when i hear abt people dying young i always shudder coz i always remind Ash to better take of himself - his stress, smoking, food, etc. wouldn't help. i oso need to take care of myself better...i can't imagine my kids growing up wo either of us, and us losing out seeing them grow.
we just need to continue to remind ourselves that dunia and akhirat comes in a package - very hard to live our lives by separating them. we just need to bekal ourselves equally and InsyaAllah, Allah will help us.
Al Fatehah
zan,
don't worry, takde rezeki nak buat macam mana. maybe in another lifetime?
marina,
youre absolutely right, we have to jaga our niat more. always think of the greater good, the positive, the bigger picture before doing or commiting ourselves to something completely unnecessary. *you know what i mean* who knows when we're gonna go so let's make do with what little time we have.
i love you 4th lembu...
nina,
yeah, like you, i too have been putting greater emphasis on health of late. try to jaga makan, exercise more. buat mana yang boleh... the rest is up to Allah really.
i wonder, if we do good here on earth, do we get to see those we love in the afterlife? anyone we want? anytime we wish?
Innalillahi wa inna ilaihi raajiun. Salam takziah.
blabs,
thanks for the doa. he was no ceo, coo nor a corporate giant. he was just one of the good guys. what a great loss :(
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